I’ve been [making an attempt to] reading a book, Parenting by The Book, by John Rosemond. It’s made me think a lot about how to raise children. Being that I am in a relationship that involves children, I’ve become more interested in the subject. It’s also made me think a lot about how my parents raised me, and how I learn by their example. Which brings me to my subject, anger. I’ve only seen my father truly angry once or twice in my life. I can’t say that I know how to express it constructively. Yesterday, I ripped one of my favorite pairs of jeans, and had a huge tear at the back pocket. I could not go into public looking like that, and decided to move some of my appointments because of my “wardrobe malfunction”. I was with Danielle at the time, and mentioned that I could throw a patch on it so I could still use the pants for something. She decided that it’d not be a good idea, and tore them more. This made me a little angry. Later that night, I went to her house, still wearing the same jeans (went straight from the office to her place). We had dinner, and watched some TV. That day, we both had a little extra energy and were play wrestling. Well, she decided to go for my pants again, exacerbating the situation for me. We continued to wrestle, while the rip in my pants went from pocket to foot. The wrestling was getting rougher, and my strength had come out. I did not hurt her, but I felt I had gone too far and was getting far too angry and did not know how to express the anger. I decided I should probably go home and got up and started to get ready. There was a long silence after that, and we ended up talking about it instead. I’ve decided I need to find more constructive ways to express my anger, and express myself sooner when I feel discomfort in a situation instead of dwelling on it and letting it get too far.
In other, but possibly related news, I no longer have A/C at home (again). As I’ve mentioned before, I had to rig my fan to keep it going as the relay had died. Well, on Saturday, I decided to look into it more and found out it was very much possible that it was actually the thermostat wire causing the problem (and therefore not kicking on the fan). I won’t mention any names, but a particular someone had spliced the thermostat wire 3 separate times before actually getting into the air conditioner (where there was one more additional splice. So I pulled a new thermostat wire. Hooked everything up, and got ready to turn it all back on. Click. No fan. Electrical burning smell. Click. I walk back out, and see smoke coming out of the drain tube. I grab a fire extinguisher just in case. I open it up. The fan that moves the air into the house decided it wanted to retire and burned up. Some of the wires turned black. I do not know what caused the problem, all I know is I don’t have several thousand dollars to replace the unit. So since winter is coming, I’ve decided to be A/C-less until spring. I’m rarely home anyway, and I appear to sleep better at night when it’s warm in the room. If I have to, I’ll get a window unit for the bedroom.
Of course, all of this makes me feel as if I’ve been humbling myself. I feel like I am going back to the basics. I am hand-washing dishes. I don’t have A/C at home. I don’t have cable TV. I’ll find a way to still use my torn pants for something. And I’ve even expressed interest in hanging my clothes again instead of using the dryer. Some call me cheap, but I call it humble.
I would just like to mention that the wrestling involved laughing and what would look like to me and most outsiders as “all in good fun”. Also, I was not responsible for ripping them in the first place and in fear of repeating myself… they are just pants. I promise to make restitution.
OK, Here goes. Throw the book in the woods. You already know by your own words. You teach by example. If the kids see you angry then witness as you move away from it to better feelings, they will see a true you. Hide your anger and they will see the discord. Tearing a favorite pair of jeans surely calls for anger! I tore a pair over a year ago I’m still ‘ripped’ about! I get angry 100 times a day every time the air hose gets hung up on a tic-tac laying on the floor! The trick is getting over it asap which should be in seconds. Part 2 later.