Parenting 101

Let me start off by saying: “Parenting is hard.”

So as some of you know, I am dating a “single mom”. She is recently divorced. She has two children, a boy 4, and a girl 19 months. Some might wonder why I would date someone with “baggage.” But I say, “Why wouldn’t I?” My father said something interesting when I first told him about Danielle. He said “Who doesn’t have baggage these days?”. I view the “baggage” as real life experiences and it makes the person more real. I’ve known some real artificial people in my life, and I thank God that I’ve found some thing real.

I have three sisters so my parents went through a lot with four kids. After seeing Danielle being a “parent” I have gained a lot more respect for my parents. I never realized all of the responsibility that takes place having kids. As me and Danielle continue our relationship further I am becoming more and more a part of her and her family’s life. My life is going through a change right now. I’ve been saying for the last year that I want to separate my personal life from my business. My first step was moving my office out of my house. I feel as if Danielle is the next step. I consider myself a stable person. Not much changes. This could make me a boring person, but I feel it makes me a better person, because it makes me dependable. In the last few weeks, my week has become routine. It consists of working like crazy Monday through Friday. I spend Wednesday through Friday nights with Danielle. Saturday afternoon I spend time with Danielle and her children. Sunday, we all go to church in the morning, and find something fun to do for the afternoon.

Parenting teaches patience: As you can guess, this is all making me a part of Danielle’s children’s lives. I am not the fly by night type, and don’t plan to be. As we grow however, I have to learn more and more how to be parental so I am not just “some guy” and take my role. This is where “Parenting is hard” comes into play. I love to learn, and I am learning all kinds of new things being around Danielle and her children. I see things that my parents did, and I see things that I want to do when it comes to things such as teaching and discipline. Danielle commented to me how we have our own sets of rules. For example, I say “Don’t play with doors” (thanks Mom and Dad), and “Don’t eat with your mouth full”, which she makes no mention of. Danielle also likes that I “back her up” when she is disciplining. If she points at her children to go back to bed, and they look at me for some reason (looking for a way out of it), I point too. I have yet to find a way to deal with the simple phrase “No” however. Danielle spanks, and obviously, I am not allowed to do that, they are not my children. However, if Noah (her son) is hanging on my leg and I want him off and tell him to get off, I have not yet found a way to give them a consequence to not doing what they are told. I’m finding creative ways, such as turning off a movie that they might have been in the middle of watching. And because of all of this, I have learned to block out the whining and not let it bother me.

Parenting teaches responsibility: A big responsibility, making sure they haven’t ran away, is a hard one. I kinda “lost” Nora one day when she started to walk away and out of sight. They like to wander! They are also little people who can not feed themselves. They require a lot of “work” to feed them and cloth them and get them ready. It is amazing what parents have to go through. I have a lot of respect for Danielle to do what she does to do it every day and to put her kids at number one. Parents also need to spend time with their children. They can’t just be ignored. They crave attention, and I am not talking about the whining. They are growing and learning, and need positive influences, whether it be via teaching them something, or even just playing with them. Danielle made a comment the other day in the park about me getting extra points. I was playing with Nora on a bar letting her hang and pushing her around. She was having a ball. After we walked away, a little boy got on it, and told his father to join him telling him how to do it. The father refused.

I have a lot of fun with Danielle and her family, and wouldn’t change it. When it comes time to produce my own offspring (whether it be with Danielle if that is what our future holds, or someone else), I feel as if I will be a better parent because of my time now with Danielle and her family. Danielle did say something to me the other night that was very touching. She said that I’ll make a great father. Words can not express how I felt. That night I had been playing with Nora and a blanket. I’d wrap her up in it, then unroll her, and tickle her. She LOVED it. Then she’d grab the blanket and say “ay don”, which was “lay down” in Nora speak. So I’d lay down, and she’d try and wrap me up (I didn’t fit very well in the small blanket). Then she’d try and pick me up.

I did have the concern that her children might mistake me for “daddy” (which I have been called a few times, but Noah corrected himself). However, Noah knows who is father is, and that he is a separate entity. And Nora recognizes her father, as she was extremely excited to see him the other day when he stopped by to drop something off and cried when he left.

So in conclusion, my life is changing, but for the better. I am learning and growing. I am enjoying my time with Danielle and her family. I look forward to the weekends. I look forward for the new discoveries that I will make.