So Valentines Day is coming up soon, but I have no date for it. Of course, I am told that Valentines is only for couples, not for “dates”. Whatever. So if you’d like to put in an application to be my Valentine, let me know. You must be female (or a gay guy, cause women seem to be attracted to gay guys, and I could totally play the gay card and let women think they converted me). You must have a head on your shoulders, and like things simple. No fancy extravagances here. You must also have a degree of self-confidence and ambition in life. Nerdy librarians and dental hygienists are a plus. Festivities will commence on February 14, 2008 anywhere between 6pm and 12am (and later if things go well). Please submit your application no later than February 14, 2008 at 12:00pm. The winner(s) will be announced on Valentines Day afternoon. For more information on rules and regulations, please call me.